It spoils her orgasm

“At times my partner will feel pain as she is about to orgasm when the G-spot is being stimulated by my fingers. It spoils her orgasm. She has never experienced an ejaculation. She says that it is not my fingers that cause the problem, it is the intensity that becomes painful, and leads nowhere. My partner orgasms quickly and easily having intercourse. We would appreciate any directions you may have.”

ANSWER: There can be a number of reasons for the pain.

  1. Make sure she’s ruled out any physical causes like bladder infections, cystitis, etc.
  2. Experiment with different ways of stimulating her g-spot. When you find a particular method that feels really good, keep doing it exactly the same way until she lets you know she wants a change. (don’t go faster, harder etc. as she’s getting close to orgasm) 
  3. Make sure she’s very, very excited, or has even had an orgasm through clitoral stimulation, before you touch the g-spot.
  4. Suggest that she consciously relax her body as she’s approaching orgasm, rather than tightening up.
  5. If she starts to feel pain as you’re stroking her g-spot, stop moving your fingers and press firmly on the spot until the pain passes.
  6. Give her a yoni massage. Genital massage can help release any tension and blockages, helping energy flow more freely and increasing sensitivity. Ask her to give you a lingam massage too. The instructions are below.

Yoni (Vaginal) Massage Instructions

The Yoni massage, or female genital massage, brings healing and emotional opening. Your intention is not arousal, or orgasm, although these may well occur, but rather to help your lover become more sensitive, relaxed and connected to her yoni—her sacred temple. Much frustration, pain and trauma are held in the tissues of the vagina, loving massage can help discharge them. This process may bring up strong emotions—feelings of fear or anxiety and joyous outpourings of release. It may take several sessions before her yoni has healed so that she can fully enjoy the range of sexual pleasures it holds.

  • Your lover lies on her back, a towel-covered pillow under her hips.
  • Her legs are apart, knees slightly bent.
  • Sit between her legs.
  • Look into each other’s eyes and breathe slowly and deeply together.
  • Gently massage her legs, belly and torso, advancing without haste to her inner thighs and pelvis.
  • When she is relaxed move to her yoni, and, asking permission to honor this most sacred spot, pour a good quality water-based lubricant on her mound and begin to massage it slowly.
  • «Slowly» is a key point for this entire massage.
  • Gently squeezing each outer lip between thumb and forefinger, stroke up and down.
  • Ask her to tell you if she wants more pressure or speed or softness.
  • Repeat the stroking, squeezing motion on her inner lips.
  • Move to her clitoris, circling, squeezing, gently pulling.
  • When you feel she is ready ask permission to enter her enchanted garden and gently insert your finger—some women like two fingers.
  • Crook your finger in a «come hither» motion and press it against the walls just inside the entrance of her vaginal canal.
  • Explore all around this wonderful opening, fraction of an inch by fraction of an inch.
  • If you encounter spots that are painful or tight stop movement but continue to press your finger there.
  • Breathe together. You may notice tingling or heat as the tension releases.
  • Move a little deeper into her honey pot and again press all around.
  • This is the area of the g-spot, which can be extremely sensitive—its spongy tissue is a storehouse of sexual frustration and pain—so move respectfully.
  • Some women feel a burning or a desire to urinate when the g-spot is awakening, continue to apply pressure and allow the sensation to pass.
  • Move deeper still, straightening your finger and pressing along the sides as you go farther back toward the cervix.
  • Wherever she feels trauma or pain stop movement, press the spot firmly, breathe deeply, until there is a release.
  • If your lover would like you to, as you continue your internal massage begin to stimulate her clitoris with your other hand awakening her to a state of high arousal.
  • She may experience orgasm—clitorally or vaginally or in combination.
  • When she feels she’s had enough, slowly take your hands away.
  • Complete your massage by gently holding her in your loving arms.
  • Lingam (Penis) Massage Instructions
  • Men too, need gentle healing of their genitals—a purging of emotional and energetic blockages. When a man holds frustration and hurts in his genital region the muscles can be tight, affecting his capacity for erection and his ability to master ejaculation. The lingam massage relaxes these tense muscles and helps a man open to his receptive side so he may experience deeper levels of pleasure. If the massage brings up strong emotions for your lover encourage him to allow them out.
  • Your lover lies on his back, a towel-covered pillow under his hips.
  • His legs are apart, knees slightly bent.
  • Sit between his legs.
  • Look into each other’s eyes and breathe slowly and deeply together.
  • Gently massage his legs, belly and torso, advancing without haste to his inner thighs and pelvis.
  • Ask permission to honor his ‘wand of light’, and with a good quality lubricant deeply massage the muscles at the top of his inner thighs, in the crease where his legs and pelvic floor meet. Work along the connecting bone and muscles, releasing tension as you go.
  • «Slowly» is a key point for this entire massage.
  • Ask him to tell you when he wants more or less pressure or a change of stroke or to touch a different spot.
  • Massage above his lingam on the pubic bone.
  • Move down to the scrotum, gently kneading and pulling his testicles.
  • Pay special attention to the perineum, circling and pushing the tissues there.
  • Bring your loving touch to his lingam, stroking the shaft with varying pressure and speed. With alternating hands slide up from the base of the shaft to the head and then off. Repeat this movement and then reverse direction—slide from the top down.
  • Hold his lingam by its head and gently shake it back and forth.
  • Thoroughly massage the head of his lingam.
  • He may or may not get an erection. If he does it may come and go throughout your massage.
  • If he feels he is coming close to ejaculation slow down or stop your massaging or move to a different spot, for instance the perineum. Breathe deeply together.
  • Move from perineum to testicles to lingam and back again, paying attention to different areas as he rises to a peak and then backs off. The lingam massage is a great aid to learning ejaculation mastery.
  • Perhaps he would like to ejaculate to end the massage or he may want to retain his sexual energy. Whatever his preference, when he feels he’s had enough remove your hands slowly and reverently.

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